Resources in Response to “Is E-mail the New Parking Lot?”
In the December 7, 2009 Alban Weekly, Alban Senior Consultant Susan Nienaber presents some interesting stories about the use—and mis-use—of e-mails (“Is E-mail the New Parking Lot?“). We learn about the angry pastor who hit the “send” button accidently, the retired church member who blogged about congregational problems, the disgruntled group that launched a behind-your-back derailment campaign.
But along with such stories is some sage advice—particularly the advice to remember that “e-mail is not a conflict resolution tool.” Why? Because it precludes the opportunity to read non-verbal body language, it’s not as timely as one might think, it can become a “one-sided conversation” when dialogue is truly needed, it is not confidential, and it cannot sustain important conversations.
On the other hand, e-mail can work well for reporting details efficiently, documenting actions, and changing a negative rant into a positive conversation.
Bottom line: conflicted situations require “an extra dose of care and attention.”
What resources can help you, and your congregation, understand communication and Internet tools? What can help you use them more effectively? First, please consider the excellent items listed at the end of the article. But we also invite you to consider a web resource in the Congregational Resource Guide: “The Networked Congregation.” In addition, take a look at How the Way We Talk Can Change the Way We Work, Dialogue and the Art of Thinking Together, and The Lost Art of Listening.
What are your stories or thoughts on this topic? And what resources do you recommend? We look forward to hearing from you!
Susan:
I haven’t met you (yet), but your delightful essay here reminds me why Alban Institute stands (or jogs) at the front edge of Christianity: Good thinkers and good writers! What a rich metaphor to use for your article, and how measured your warning and encouragement. What you write is so true, and your words so necessary. Thanks for your mindfulness about technology, and your approachable style of writing.
Bob
The thoughts projected in this article are wonderful. It is a timely warning to Pastors and Church leaders that care and concern for others is always top priority at the threshhold of relationships with potential members, parishoners, neighbors and friends. The structure and strength of the church or the institution is always at stake in such situations.
My reason for believing this is: In every relationship, no matter how simple or shallow, no matter the depth or seriousness, we as Clergy are always being analyzed by others. The image we purport is not simply a matter of “who we are”. It goes much deeper and requires more commitment and sincerity than any individual might ever realize. We must learn to hold our tongue in our cheek and keep the vent valve tightly closed on our anger and rebellion, otherwise our reputation, as well as the ability of others to trust us as purveyors of God’s word is lost.
Email is a wonderful tool of communication, yet like all other relationships, we have no choice but to ehgage our thought process and choose our words carefully while attempting to yeild the truth to others.
Thanks so much for your in-depth thoughts and sounding the alarm to all that good productive and positive action requires much thought and wisdom!!
James Conn
Email, Facebook, Twitter…it’s a whole new world of communication. Susan offers sound advice for enhancing the benefits while avoiding the pitfalls (which we’ve probably all experienced in parish ministry). When it comes to addressing conflict, I’ve often wondered how different Jesus’ advice in Matthew 18:15-20 would sound in today’s instant communication world. I doubt it would be much different. There’s still nothing better than dealing with it face to face. That principle has certainly stopped me from clicking the “send” button more than once.
Thanks for this thoughtful assessment. E-mail can be a very reactive medium. I always suggest to people when they receive an upsetting e-mail to wait to respond until the next day (or at least not send any response that they write until the next day) — and reread any response before they send it. We should all review the “five characteristics of e-mail” from the article regularly.